25 April 2015

To Jewish Men Who Do NOT Do the Bug Eyed Thing Around Black Women

The World : Hold Me Tight and Don't Let Go.

Too Soon? It's Too Soon; Isn't It?

Me:  Oh God I am so bored.

Tamir:  What is wrong with you?  You will be returning to your life shortly.

Me:  Oh God, but it feels like I have been away forever.  Still I wanted to say hello.

Tamir:  I am glad we had the opportunity to catch up.  Now Debbie I must go.

Me:  Ooooooh God, I am so bored!!!

Tamir:  Yeah, yeah.  Hey Debbie what are your thoughts on Berel?  I know I have asked you before, but it just that I just saw this email from him as I was shutting down my laptop.  Hey, it is funny.  Listen Debbie.  Did you hear the one about the two Israeli spies and the Muslim feminist at the cafe?

I glare at Tamir, but remain silent.

Tamir:  Too soon?  It's too soon; isn't it?

Tamir:  Debbie you have to learn to fit in.  Don't be different.  It makes people uncomfortable.  Now get off the floor and stop crying.  After this is not London and you are not on floor of your flat crying because you fear you will not finish some feminist paper.  Now I must go.

Me:  Okay, okay.  I guess I could start by stopping laying face down on the floor when I am having a think.

Tamir:  Yes, Debbie be normal.

Me:  Okay I will meet you at lift.

Tamir:  The lift?  We are not taking the lift.

Me:  Okay where are the stairs?  And you are right.  It is healthy to take the stairs.

Tamir:  No we are going  to go out of the window and climb down the side of the building.

Me:  What?  You just told me to be normal and try to fit in.

Tamir:  Yes, Debbie I told you to do that.  But me, I am good with who I am.  Now let's take the left window.

20 April 2015

And I Can Assure You That I Can Be Quite Appropriate And I Do Apologise

S.B.:  Somebody tell me why they are still dancing around a fucking car? And what is it they are saying? Huh?  TELL ME!

Tamir: Ah,  I already see another opportunity for my diplomatic skills.

Foreign Minister of a Middle Eastern country:  Why don't you stay on your own patch? WHY must you try and control everything? WHY?